hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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