I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize