No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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