I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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