What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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