Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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