no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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