So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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