You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize