i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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