I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
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of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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