you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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