So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
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I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize