the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
