It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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