he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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