everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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