Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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