I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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