at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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