4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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