mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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