The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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