last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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