oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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