I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
its liver damage thursday
Randomize