the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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