i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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