One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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