8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
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