I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize