I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize