I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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