i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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