he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You ruined the universe
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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