I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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