I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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