I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize