just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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