Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
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Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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