i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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