so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize