I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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