I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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