so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
