Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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