So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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