I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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