I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
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When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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