Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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