Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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