My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We're too hungover to prance.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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