I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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