I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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